I'm not dead- the pictures to prove it

Tonight I just couldn't sleep. This isn't anything unusual these past few months. There are too many reasons why sleep evades me. I won't bore you with them all. Or maybe I should. That might  actually help me sleep......
1. My niece was diagnosed with Leukemia. You can learn more about her and my sister and brother in law here https://www.facebook.com/#!/Bronwyn.vs.leukemia

Part of a painting I did for my sister and her family

2. We are settling in. This would seem like a reason to rest well and be content. Yes those things are true and have helped me to rest easy. However, being the 'new' family is still difficult. Also as we make friends and start to love our surrounding and love seeing our kids thrive and not just survive I get a little nervous. I just don't want to be in a situation anytime soon where we would have to leave it all. I'm sure that won't happen but having lived through some stuff I know to never get too comfortable. I think that's sad and that is what keeps me up.

A super yummie latte I made at work. I LOVE my job.

3. Money sucks. I'm pretty sure this subject keeps more than just me awake some nights. Having said that I can't really complain. We are doing well enough. We can buy food and pay bills. That's pretty freakin great.
4. My son will be in middle school next year! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

5. I love to help people. Help with whatever I can. Many times in my life I have let that part of me trump the needs of my family and mostly myself. I'm working on it. I find myself feeling guilty that I can't support or really 'be there' for everyone who I see needs it. That keeps me up.

Trinity and I ready for a night at the theatre

6. Hey this is working I'm getting really sleepy. I'm gonna try and catch some zzzzzz's

Trying to hang on- this will probably not make sense to you but it's helping me

This thread we are hanging on is getting pretty thin. Just when I've thought "OK we're doing good. We can do this." something comes and slaps us across the face. 

I recently have chosen to let it go. There's no such thing as a free lunch. That's life. 

So what now? Just keep moving forward. Trying not to shut down. Learning to care about me and mine first. There is a healthy way to do that. I'm looking for it. 

People get ready - aka reality bites

I'm Ready. Ready to blog. Ready to speak. Ready to tell.

Tomorrow will mark us being in B.C for 3 months. We've moved enough times to know that there's something about the 3 month mark. Something magical?? Maybe not, but definitely something.

Winnipeg
When Ryan, Silver (5 months old) and I moved to Winnipeg we spent our first 3 months living with a friend. It was a bit of a crazy time. Ryan worked nights, Silver cried a A LOT and I don't know if I ever had a shower that whole time.....I'm sure I must have. But no matter how stressful it was we always had a plan, a DREAM, something to work towards. Around the 3 month mark we moved into our own place, Ryan started school and Silver started walking (kinda). Things were on the right track. We had begun living our dream. What was the DREAM you ask..... getting an Education which meant living as poor students and suffering through years and years of shuffling school,work(many jobs between us), kids and holding our marriage together. We hoped for Ryan to one day come out with a Degree and begin a fulfilling life of molding the minds of the worlds youth while supporting our little family and paying back thousands in student loans. Well that was the DREAM at least.

School ended, the Degree was gotten and our whole world changed. We had lived so many years without family around that we always knew we wanted that closeness and so made the choice to go and get it. This was the best decision for our family at the time. We made a good choice. We moved again.

Island
The first 3 months we spent adjusting to a whole new world. New people, places and things. New weather, new clothes, new (to us) culture. A world of NEW. There were some tears and moments of fear for all of us. But we had a plan, a DREAM, something to work towards. To live in a place where Ryan could use the education he had worked so hard for and be close to some family. We knew we had chosen a life that would 'pay' us little but that's alright when you have a DREAM and a plan. At the 3 month mark we were used to the heat (kinda), the kids knew their extended family and we were getting a hold of "how things worked".

East Coast
Fastforward. Another move. This time to a place where we thought we could live out at least part of that DREAM and Ryan could make use of that Education and we could live a simple but full life on little. The first 3 months were spent in a panic. Finding a place to live and to work. Trying to build some kind of support system and be a support to others. Trying to make the best choices for our family. Once we hit the 3 month mark things were looking Up Up Up! The kids were in school and making fast friends (not without hiccups). Jobs (not great ones) were in place and would help us to continue our journey and work toward that DREAM.  Good friends for Ryan and I were in place (Great friends).

West Coast
The NOW. Tomorrow the 3 month mark. I know it won't be the same as the other 3 month marks we had. We don't have a DREAM right now. I am waiting for the next kick in the teeth moment when we need to reinvent ourselves again. We don't really have something we are working towards or dreaming about. Oh Ryan loves his job don't get me wrong. I just started one too and so far so GREAT. But there is something very different this time around. Hope is missing. It's hard to DREAM when you have lived through some pretty DREAM busting times. We feel like failures who haven't made the choices some others would have. What we worked toward for so many years seems wasted. While others were working and building up a business or being trained AND paid are so far ahead of us. Yeah I KNOW it's not a competition....... We are NOT the only people in North America who are living through the same thing. Years of school only to find you can't get a job. So MORE school??? Or start at level zero somewhere and just take the years to at least get paid and work your way Up Up Up??

Starting tomorrow
I am going to be more selfish. More selfish with my time, energy and thoughts. I'm going to continue to know who I am and although I may not know at this time What I Want, I will love my life and the unknown future. I will try and help my children see the world through my eyes, their own and others. I will love my neighbours and help those in need. I am not going to give into my fears because a life filled with fear is full of emptiness. I will work towards having a  DREAM again, because a life without a DREAM is no life for me...... or YOU.

Merry Happy Ho ho ho!

Merry Happy Holiday

Christmas concert 2009

What a year this has been. One year ago we were celebrating Christmas on Grand Cayman Island with family:) It was a very special Christmas for our family. We had been living and working in Grand Cayman and spending time with Gramma and Gramps! We took a huge chance and left Winnipeg where we had lived for 7 years. It was the only 'home' our kids knew. But we always wanted to live close to Ryan's parents so our kids would know them. Our time in Cayman was not without difficulty but time spent with family was well worth all the trouble. 

Old but Young Friends

Once we knew we would not be staying in Cayman we planned to move out East in hopes of a good quality of life for us and our kids. Part of this "good life" would involve Ryan finding full time work that paid a decent amount of money. After many months of pressing on in Nova Scotia trying to make our way there it became very clear that we were not making it.
 

Hull's Harbour, Nova Scotia

We spent a lot of time and money trying to build something there but it never happened. We were blessed with meeting some amazing people, connecting with 'old' (but very young looking friends) and receiving heaps of help from all. But in the end we couldn't provide for ourselves properly and we saw little hope for the future. Within two weeks of things falling apart we were all packed up again (yes it almost killed us) and off to BC, Ryan's home province. 

in the park behind our place

We have now been living in Coquitlam for two weeks. We got here with much needed help from family and are blessed with a comfortable and safe place to live. We are looking for work and constantly pulling our selves together. It's almost Christmas and this year is different from our past Holidays. We are more thankful for the little things and just being together and having the chance to see family and friends who really know us is a huge blessing. 

 
Some of you will understand and some of you may think we have totally lost it. We are always trying to do what is best for our family and our future. Sometimes when you take chances you fail. This we know too well. But from those failures come wisdom and understanding. We will be working on putting that wisdom and understanding into action. The kids are doing very well and seem to understand totally why we had to leave Nova Scotia and begin all over again here. It could be that everything happening around Christmas was one of the best blessings for them. Christmas can be a great distraction:) 

So Merry Christmas! Happy New Year and all that! We know we are hoping for a VERY Happy New Year:)

Love The Hayes 

Introducing.....

The newest member of our family

Fergus
Yesterday was Trinity's birthday and that's the day Fergus came home with us to stay. We have been seeing him off and on for 3 weeks. The family that we got him from had to give him up because their cat (one of 3 they have) was not a fan of Fergus. The cat is bigger than the dog so poor Fergus didn't win any fights. They loved him but felt it was best to find him a new home. So lucky us!

Trinity is madly in LOVE with him already. Ever since the first day we met him she has been a changed girl. Much more relaxed and happy.

He's a real sweet heart. We have only heard him bark twice. Both times at his own reflection in the mirror. he's a perfect addition to our family.

Maybe you'll meet him one day.....if your lucky.

My little Big 7 year old

August 25th Trinity turns 7. That's only 3 more years till 10 then 6 more years till she's driving then 3 more years till shes off to University! Yikes. I think I'm getting ahead of myself (as usual).

So here we are just a week until school starts and nothing is "normal". We move into our place Sept 1st and as of right this moment don't have anything to really move in besides ourselves, some clothes, a few toys, a Wii (but no T.V) and some food. A great friend is giving us some kitchen stuff like forks, knives, spoons and a table to use as well as some sheets (still working on getting the beds).

In th midst of all the unknown we are doing our best to focus on Trinity and give her a great birthday! I think it will be one she will remember for many years to come. She already knows what she's getting as a gift and has been a whole new girl since she found out. She laughs more and is getting to be her silly little self we haven't seen much of lately. She and Silver helped design the cake and they can't wait to get decorating.

So off I go to bake and decorate and continue to try and take everything that is running through my head and just put it aside for now. For it's All About Trinity today and tomorrow!

new digs

We are going to start a new blog when we move into our new place. It will be different than this one in a few ways. It will be all about living in a small town in Nova Scotia, new friends, new foods, and hopefully a few kitchen parties (did I tell you our new kitchen is HUGE and totally cool). We just need to get our selves a big table. We want to explore all of Nova Scotia and all it has to offer. We will take a lot of pictures but you will probably never see our faces. I want it to be a bit more generic not so much about us personally but about the people and places here. There's a ton of Canadian culture and History here that we are excited to explore. I will post the link here once it's all set up. I'm still not 100% sure what it will be called.

What was that?

Trinity "Silver what's your miracle?"

Silver "an X-Box, a new playstation 2, all the games ever made, except the discusting yuckie T games"

Trinity "No I mean whats your miracle, something that's important. Not video games. That's not import. Like having a baby soon, that's a miracle." (that would be a miracle)

Silver "O.K being a Rock Star so I could buy a big house."

Trinity "Oh yeah that's a miracle so you could be rich and never be poor. My miracle is to have Fergus sooner. Because he is going to be part of our family and that's important. That's a real miracle!"

So the moral of this story is...... Who IS Fergus...... to be continued........

The Sunny side of the street

Today I am reflecting on some GREAT times we have had over the last month. through all the messiness of taking chances there are some amazing silver linings. Here are a few of ours.

Disney! We had a great time at Disney World. We did all the classic things like meet the characters, buy and wear Mickey ears, go on rides, walk ALOT, and eat really greasy expensive food. I tried hard to not take too many pictures. I didn't want to come away from the week with thousands of pictures and have to go through them all.

So We don't have tons of pics but more than enough to remember our week there. Trinity went to Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique and had her hair, makeup and nails done. She really loved it! She's such a girly girl sometimes:)

Silver went to the Pirate League and got some cool pirate gear. He also got to go into a secret room and choose some pirate treasure. It was cool. If you have kids at the age that would like this sort of thing it's totally worth it.

Beautiful Nova Scotia. People come from all over the world to see and experience the

landscape, food and friendly people. We have experienced all these things. We have eaten yummie Lobster at Hull's Harbour. Click the link and check out the webcam there. The lobster was great! The kids had a hard time eating it with the eyes staring at them so I had to cover the faces with napkins. It was a good time.

We also took a break from the stress of finding a home and spent the morning at Peggy's Cove. There were hundreds of people there. Our kids has so much fun running around on the smooth rocks. Silver was enjoying the whole Adventure of it all and kept saying so. Trinity was doing great keeping up with Silver who kept taking the "dangerous" way. It was another good day.

honest

There are so many things I could write about right now. But I don't have the time or patience to get it all out. But if I did I would write about things like Education and what a pain in the ass it can be (no jobs, large loans, a long hard road ahead), feeling like an idiot for making choices that are more about others than us, not knowing what to do next and wondering if what you did before was a good thing, just wanting the kind of peace that can be found in a time of rest, trying to understand and appreciate our very up and down lives. It's a hard time right now, coming off a hard year of working in a place that was so draining on every level. I'm pretty sure the only things keeping me together right now are all the tea I'm drinking and my faith in God. Onward....... because there's no other direction to go.

Ready to blog

Here we are in Nova Scotia and it's AWESOME! There are so many things we have experienced in the last few months. I got to a point where I just couldn't keep up with all the changes and I was just trying to finish well in Cayman. It's always hard to leave. There where things about Cayman we loved and things we didn't love. All in all it was a strengthening experience for all of us.

We are now moving forward with our plans to get established here in Nova Scotia. We have only been here one week but we have already seen and done so much. We are working hard on finding a home to rent. We want a place in a good neighborhood by a good school for our kids. It's tuff as there are so many other people looking for the same thing. We persevere.

There are some incredible people here. We have had so many strangers help us out. Through all the stress of relocating we have been surrounded by beautiful people and a beautiful landscape. I can't get over how pretty it is here. It's been raining for days and I welcome it wholeheartedly. I have worn a sweater everyday that we've been here. It's something I really missed while living in Cayman.

Well we have another long day tomorrow just getting things done so I need to get to sleep. I will post pictures as soon as I take some!

Mom's Day

I love Mother's Day! As the kids get older it gets better. They can actually honestly express appreciation and write cool cards, and make neat crafts. I do love it. This year from Ryan I got a pass for Yoga classes. We are going to take them together. For me this is the best present for me right now. I feel squishy and need my pants to fit a little bit better :) We went out and had a lovely brunch at a place on the beach.

Everytime I do something like go to the beach (which is rarely), eat at a beach restaurant, walk out side with out a jacket, swim in a pool, eat a banana off a tree or chat with my Jamaican friends ( i will miss this a lot) I think about how it's all going to end soon. Only 6 weeks of school left. Then we leave two days later. We still need to sell some stuff, find a place to live, get jobs, and a million other things. I am much calmer this time around then when we moved here. I guess I've actually learned a thing or two. I know I've learned that I don't want to do this again anytime soon.

Time to post. It's been an exhausting last month. We moved which took a lot of energy. We had to go through everything we have again and get rid of things and move things and pack things and store things (most of those things being books). I hate having to move the kids stuff so much. They are alright with it but I'm smart enough to know that you shouldn't move kids around too much. I look forward to moving very little in the next few years. I'd like to see the kids get comfortable and relaxed in a nice space they can call home. Silver is BUSTING for his own room. The kids will be having their own rooms in Halifax no matter what it takes. Even if Ryan and I need to sleep on a pull out in the living room!

There are approximately 32 days of school left. Yes I am counting down like all the kids in school. Summer holidays are just too awesome to not want them to come asap. I think about a year from now when we are more settled somewhere I can fully appreciate what this year as been to us. I'm a bit tired on so many levels right now to even care.

I don't really have a good 'outlet' right now. No painting, not much photography, haven't been watching much tv, no dance at all and no time to be creative with much else. I do enjoy the art I teach at school but I don't have time to prep at all so that makes it feel rushed and not as good as it should be.

It's now 10:00pm and well past my bed time. I have a hard time waking up in the morning and need to get to bed around 9. So off I go to sleep. Good night.

One more week

Here we go again torn between two lands. One more week until spring break. We have started (as much as we can start) to plan our exit from Cayman. One more week until spring break. We have our tickets to Halifax and possibly a place to stay when we get there. One more week until spring break. Again we are doing this whole moving thing and it's a lot of work. One more week until spring break. We have to save money, sell some stuff, pack up the rest, say good bye to Gramma and Dude (that is going to suck) and try to stay sane through it all. One more week until spring break. Help!

We had a great visit with some cousins last week. One more week until spring break. The kids had such an amazing time hanging out with them. One more week until spring break. It was so nice to see our kids just relax and have a fun time playing with kids they felt comfortable with. One more week until spring break. Silver still doesn't have a good connection with kids here. One more week until spring break. He does try but most boys in his class play soccer every recess and it's hard to break into that. One more week until spring break. He cried pretty hard when the cousins left.

One more week until spring break. Trinity has made a couple of good friends but she loved playing with her cousins too. One more week until spring break. She can't wait for us to get to a place where we can get another dog (three if she had her way, and a rabbit, turtle, frog, donkey........). One more week until spring break.

We plan to take full advantage of the Island while we are still here. One more week until spring break. We will have as many beach days as possible, pool days, time with Grandparents, and time not wearing snow suits. One more week until spring break. Did I mention it's only one more week until spring break? One more week until spring break. We're all pretty excited about it:) One more week until spring break.

Two months, two shmonths

I took these pictures today March 7th. We needed to get out of the house for a relaxing walk.


So it's been about two months and I can't remember everything that has happened but here are a few things.

We have spent over 200 dollars seeing the foot doctor. Silver got some crazy warts that just wouldn't leave and he had to have them removed. It was horrible. Needles, screaming, crying and a bill at the end.

Trinity also had some medical issues. She some how got some kind of fungus on her hands. It kind of turned her hands dark brown and then started to peel. We again saw the Doctor and again got a bill for some fancy cream. It's almost cleared up.

Being a Canadian I still can't get used to paying for Doctor visits. It's sucked up all our fun money for the past two months. Sucks.

We had sports day at the school last month. It was a really big deal. They run all sorts of races and some other stuff. All the kids in the school are split into 'houses'. Then the 'houses' compete against each other. Our house the Saints won! Yippie. Silver had a seriously ruff day. He was only signed up for two races because he was out sick the day the all signed up. So he was bummed. He got hit on the head with a cricket ball. They HURT. It was really hard to watch him have such a crappy day. Trinity on the other hand had a pretty good day. She ran a bunch of races and won some second and third place ribbons. Good for her!

Then came awards day. Silver got FIVE awards. Two for honor roll, one perfect attendance for the first 1/4 and I can't remember the other two. He also got a medal for being involved in the soccer team. He really earned that one. What a ruff time he had but he kept playing.

Trinity got 4 awards. Two for honor roll and again I can't remember the other two. But she was feelin great!

I was feeling healthy for one week and now again have caught something. My throat is crazy sore and if I don't take advil I can't even function. Half of the pre school class was out sick on Friday. Sickness just rules that class.

I finally got my camera but haven't had much time to snap photos. I am trying to get back to enjoying some hobbies. I have to force myself too. I half painted a picture I wonder if I will finish. O.K that's all for now. I will try to keep up with this from now on. Our internet connection has been really crappy the past few weeks so I haven't been on much. If it gets fixed I may be inspired to write more.

Holidays are over and school is back in session. My body is still on the mend but things are looking good. Less coughing and less pills. We've had some amazing weather the past week. Cool wind and cloudy skies. A welcome change here on the island.We had a nice Christmas that was marred by a few trips to the Doctor for some of us. We didn't do some of our usual Christmas stuff like baking or gingerbread house making but we did some cool things.

On Christmas eve we went to look at all the Christmas lights. There are a few houses here that do a huge set up on their lawns. You can go and walk around and check them out. It was cool. We had a great Christmas day where the kids swam in the pool at Gramma and Dude's house and we ate a yummie turkey dinner.

Ryan loves his Kindle ( a little too much ) and I will love my camera if it ever gets here. It's been 4 weeks since it was mailed from Canada. I really hope it gets here eventually. I'm dying to use it.

I am determined to make the rest of this school year a great one. I have been finding myself so tired from working a full time job and still trying to do all the things I enjoy doing and need to do. I don't have time to sew or paint or really take my time baking or cooking. We continue to struggle to find the time to relax and enjoy each other. Not sure

how long we want to live like this. Both working full time and trying to raise these awesome kids. It's just not our number one choice for a way to live and make money.

Here are some pictures of our last few weeks.

Christmas Christmas time is here

Holidays have officially started and I couldn't be happier. I still haven't started baking but by Monday or Tuesday I should have a good start. Even though I don't really feel like baking or eating a bunch of cookies I thought I would still do some just to keep up the tradition.

The kids had their school concert (like millions of other children). It was of course cute and entertaining. Here are a couple of short videos from the night.

Really don't have much to share this week. We are just resting our bodies, minds and spirits. We need to make some big decisions soon. Pray for us if you pray.

Trinity still misses Jane. Again she woke up in the middle of the night crying. Poor girl. I can't wait to get her another dog one day.

Silver is amazing. He's grown so much since being here. He amazes me. What a strong little guy.

It's beginning to NOT look a lot like Christmas

Breathe. I am just coming up for air after two weeks of diving deep into work related projects and never ending sickness.

After I wrote that sentence I went back under for a few more stress filled days and more sickness. My body is so tired. I now have a headache everyday and can't seem to take any sort of deep breath. I may go see a Dr. this weekend but really I will just rest as much as possible and see how I am on Monday.

Alright let me catch you up on some happenings around here. 

1. Silver had his FIRST outdoor birthday party! We was thrilled to be outside having fun with his pals. Here are a few pictures. Remember it's December and not a snowflake to be found. 

2. We went to see Santa at Camana Bay. He was outside and there was fake snow flying out of machines. Fun times.

3. I did a lot of my Christmas shopping on line. I actually enjoyed it. I will post what I got Ryan because he NEVER reads this blog. I know, he should be writing in it. Maybe after Christmas or not. I'm sick of fighting Ryan everytime he wants to buy a book (because they're heavy and heavy means money when shipping stuff home one day). Sooooo I got him a Kindle. It's a thing that you can store electronic books on. Ahhhhh. Now he will only be allowed to buy books for the Kindle (while we are on the Island). This present is much more for me than him.

4. Trinity and I started playing violin. We have had three lessons. Keep that in mind when watching this:) VIDEO to be added soon

5.Silver and Trinity had a fun time at Grandma and Gramps place on Silver's birthday. They had a super cool treasure hunt. At the end they both got bikes! So awesome. 

I have so much to write about but....... but. 

I'm dreaming again. Now that's a great thing.